I felt grown-up when I graduated elementary, and junior high...and high school, although I don't know why. I felt grown-up when my mom and dad left me crying on the grass at my first apartment in college. ...Actually, I think I felt more grown-up after the crying stopped. I felt grown-up when one of my best friends died and I realized I wouldn't see my father for a long time.
I felt grown up when I called my mom from the Dallas, Texas airport and begged her to let me come home from a year-and-a-half journey that I had gone on, with Christ's name over my heart. I felt much more grown up when I made it home in one piece that was even better than the pieces I had left with. I felt grown up when I got married, and I felt grown up when I found out I was pregnant. Just kidding! I couldn't resist. Maybe if I cry wolf enough, you won't believe me when it really happens! (:
I am approaching another one of these moments in my life, as I graduate college in April. With a major in History and two minors in Fashion Design and Creative Writing, I'm not expecting to get a job I actually want. I never planned on going to college just to graduate with something that would simply make me money. I always wanted to study the things I loved, thanks to my Mom and Dad.
March is turning out to be a good month. We've been in the 40s all week! I can't complain (: I am slowly realizing that I'm going to have to grow up in less than a month. I will be graduated and looking for a job in one of the most impossible towns: Rexburg, Idaho. Grown-up. This year, I will turn 25. Is that grown-up? I don't feel like it is. And yet I feel like it's a big milestone. A quarter of a century is a big deal for anyone I suppose. Now that I will have a bachelor's degree, in my mind I find myself thinking that I'll be making more than $8.50 an hour. I have a feeling that I really need to change my expectations. Thanks to the help of my wonderful mother and FAFSA however, I will graduate without any student debts! Hopefully we will be able to say the same when the time comes for Brian to grow-up.
I've decided not to walk at graduation. There's a possibility that my best friend (aka my "wonderful mother" that I referred to before) won't be able to make it, and if she can't come, there's no point. Maybe I'll borrow someone's robe and fake a picture for her. Or I can live vicariously through Brian when he graduates!
I think I've learned the real meaning of "growing up" over the years. I remember in second grade, our class was asked by a visitor what we were each going to be when we grew up. She went around the circle, and when it got to me, I didn't hesitate for 2 seconds. "I want to be a mom!" I said. The response from the visitor confused my 7-year old mind. I had always looked up to my mom like she was some kind of ninja. However, this woman looked at me and said, "Oh, you have to be something more than a mother!" Growing up isn't about achievements. It isn't about titles or jobs or certificates. Growing up is about becoming, and it's a process.
Henry David Thoreau once said, "If you build castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
When I was little, I used to dream of where I would be, what I would have, and who I would look like when I was all "grown-up". I dreamed of my future boyfriend asking my dad for permission to marry me, and I dreamed of a big house, right next to my mom and dad's house, with children and enough money so that we didn't have to worry. I don't think any of those dreams have come true to my exact specifications, but I'm sure glad reality is so much better than the dreams in my head...except I'd still like that house (: Let's hope the rest of my reality turns out just as wonderful as my past. ♥
